On the Eve of Another Week...

It's Sunday night again...time to get ready for what I hope will be another fun, productive week. I'm actually a little giddy about going to the office tomorrow. No real reason I should be, but I find myself like this a lot at night when I think about the next day--I just can't wait to go and get the day started. Don't get me wrong, I still have trouble getting up and out of bed (but that's just because I hate mornings), but once I'm in the shower, I look forward to getting into the office. It's no secret I love my job, and I realize I am extraordinarily lucky that I feel this way. 

Although that area of my life is great, more and more I am wrestling with figuring out what I actually want in arenas outside the professional. Lately I seem to think I know what I want and once I get it (or get close to getting it) I realize it is not exactly what I had in mind. My brother has always said that I lie to myself quite well. And looking back I can see that he has a case. Sometimes it is hard to admit what you really want, even to yourself. I think I know, but I'm just too afraid to say it out loud. Too afraid that if I do it will be real and then if I can't have it, I'll get hurt. But I really think I'm getting close to having more of it figured out. 

In many ways I'm getting back into a good groove. The past two weekends have been full of friends and actually lots of fun with people outside of my usual crew. I even managed to get out of the office and have lunch with a fabulous friend last week, and that is something I never do (aside from my weekly lunch with KB, but we work down the hall from each other so that doesn't take much effort). 

So all in all, as I sit at Busboys & Poets this Sunday evening, life is good. 

Oh Baby!

I seem to be having trouble sleeping lately. I have always stayed up late and have dealt with bouts of insomnia most of my life so I should be used to it I guess. As a child, I was a big hit at slumber parties since I could always outlast everyone else and these days I am often the last woman standing when I go out. At least I don't have to be at work until 10ish so it's not so bad.

I think I have figured out part of what is causing this latest case of insomnia, and it pivots around factors that I cannot control nor discuss at the moment. Oh well.

Last night I thought I was actually going to get to sleep--I had gone to the gym, I was really tired and I practically dozed off at the computer. But alas, once I changed, crawled under the covers and tried to sleep, I was up for HOURS. And, to top it off, I was clenching my jaw. Oh joy!

Once I finally fell asleep I had a very graphic dream that I was pregnant! I woke up at one point and even went back to sleep so I could finish the dream and give birth, which coincidentally was short and painless! Insanity! This isn't the first time I have dreamed about having a baby lately. Don't worry, this isn't my way of announcing any news. I am not, I repeat, I am not preggers. I blame all the babies! I know like 11 people right now that either just had or are very

soon having a baby--and two of those people have twins! It's an epidemic...a drooling, poopy, but oh so adorable one, but an epidemic just the same (case in point my "nephew" Jackson pictured at the right--I just want to squeeze him!).

I don't think it means anything. A wise friend once told me that if you dream you are pregnant, it just means someone in your circle is pregnant...and Lord knows that's true. 

Back to not sleeping. Why am I so wide awake home all alone at 1 am on a Wed???

Make A Wish

I recently celebrated my birthday...the big 28. I am someone that makes a big deal/production/spectacle out of the day of my birth. This year was no different. We had our second annual KMT (Kira/Melissa/Tom) Birthday Extravaganza. For me there is so much stress and anxiety associated with this party. I picked the venue, sent out the evite, took off work to make and ice four dozen cupcakes and construct a custom stand, and I worried all the while that no one would show up. Silly, I know, but I always do this.

Luckily, many of you did make it to the party and the ones that couldn't come for geographic reasons called and texted. In the end, it was a fabulous party! We packed the space, consumed way too many mojitos (and bday shots, including tequila, which I don't take anymore, thanks Reed!) and I danced ON almost every surface upstairs at Cafe Citron. At one point I was dancing on a (not-so-sturdy) upholstered bench when one of the security guys made a beeline over to me...I assumed he was coming to make me get down since I was wearing a stunning pair of heels that probably weren't great for the cushion, but much to my surprise, he suggested I would be more comfortable dancing on the main table where we had served our cupcakes. Uhhh...yes, please! It's not every day you get to do that. So I spent most of the night dancing over my guests, taking tons of aerial pics and generally having a ball. We had DC Police present and even some U.S. Marshals stopped by...as guests of course, KB and I don't require a security detail...at least not when we are away from the office :-).

So here's to what I hope will be an amazing year!

My Week in Review

My last two weekends have been pretty lame. Not sure what the deal is with me...I'm not in a full-fledged funk, but I'm definitely flirting with one. This is especially problematic as I am approaching my birthday in a couple of weeks. My birthday is a BIG deal and I love it and always want everything to be perfect--last year was pretty great and I hope this year is even better.

I didn't really go out much the last two weekends. Maybe I am still trying to catch up and recover from the insanity of work the last few weeks. Anyway, here's my week in review:

Highs

• Discovered another dark bar with amazing happy hour specials near the office, which I plan to frequent the rest of the summer.
  
• Previewed the birthday venue again...still love it and am even more excited for the party.
  
• Watched KB ask out a total stranger using balloons.
  
• Had a fabulous time at the Choice USA Awards and afterpartying with their amazing staff!
  
• Met David Sedaris and got a book signed for Kinsey's birthday.
  

Lows

• Had to buy four new tires following last week's flat.
  
• It was a week full of fatalities: DC Metro crash, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson
  
• I think I have started to grind my teeth again while I'm typing...I might be doing it right now! Ugh!
  

You can't change a man...but I can change a tire...

Yesterday, I did something I don't do often: I got up early...on a Saturday. I was actually doing pretty well at being up and at 'em and dressed and out the door early to pick up KB and go the the National Cathedral to watch our friend's confirmation (yes, I was up early and in a church...try to contain your surprise) until I got to my car and found out I had a flat tire. I had to brave the rain, hop a bus, then the metro, then a cab and was still 15 min late. The Cathedral is beautiful and it's so huge that it actually wouldn't have been that big of a deal to walk in late, (since people are walking around taking tours even during services) except I was wearing loud heels (of course!). So i had to tip-toe in and looked a little crazy, but I'm glad we were able to be there for our friend.

Now back to the tire. I thought about my options yesterday, but decided I would handle it today. On the advice of a friend, I walked a couple of miles to an auto repair store and bought a can of fix-a-flat, but it wasn't working. I thought about leaving it until later in the week since my car is legally parked on my street and I don't need to drive for a few days, but I didn't want this hanging over my head. I ran through a list of people (let's just say it: men) I could call and vetoed all of them. I would rather pay than ask someone and feel like I am inconveniencing them...the only exception to this is family or a boyfriend...of which I have neither here. Involving a man just seemed more complicated so I sucked it up, watched an ehow video and did it myself.

This is the first time I have ever changed a tire and I am quite proud of myself! I'm from a family where women don't even pump their own gas, and as much as I reject and defy most of my upbringing, I have to admit, I liked being the girl that had car stuff handled by a guy. Since it's Father's Day, I talked to my dad today and informed him of my automobile victory - I think I crushed him. He was so upset he wasn't here to do it and that I had to do it myself. The first thing he said was "you couldn't get a boy to do it?" It was cute in a way. I just told him it was easier this way. How do I explain to him that asking some guys would send the wrong message or complicate things or be not nice given I keep turning them down for dates or be held over my head forever like everything else from the last eight years?

My mom was very proud at least.

The Last Three Weeks

The last three weeks have been an absolute whirlwind.

From the moment I got the call about Dr. Tiller's murder, I have been going nonstop. I have fielded more press calls than I can remember, written alerts for our members, talking points, and a eulogy. I watched my boss do tapings at NPR and appear on Rachel Maddow. I even traveled to Wichita at the last minute to help at the funeral. 

I can honestly say I have never worked harder or been more tired in my entire life. Although the circumstances have been terrible, I am very proud of the work I have done these last few weeks. 

Like any death, the past few weeks have given me perspective.  So many cliches come to mind: life is short, seize the day, say what you need to say. It's a reminder to not play games and not wait by the phone. When it comes to people and relationships, I wish I was better about going after what I want. Blame the southern belle in me, but I am typically the one who waits for the guy to call and make the move...that's just me. Still, an event like this makes you reevaluate your course and remember the important people in your life.

So many of you have called or texted to check in with me during this time and it means the world to me. Thank you. I have amazing people in my life and whether I tell you often enough or not, please know that I know it.

Dr. Tiller murdered

I got a call today...a call we talk about at my job...a call I have luckily not received, until now. The call was to tell me that one of our members--a doctor in Kansas--had been murdered. We would come to learn he was gunned down in the foyer of his church where he was ushering during Sunday morning services.

I couldn't stop shaking most of the day. I have cried several times and am generally fighting nausea. It's just so senseless and disgusting.

I met Dr. George Tiller several times and he was one of the nicest, most compassionate men I have ever met. He was not the monster the antis have tried to paint him as...he was a husband, father, grandfather, and physician. He was the last resort for many women in desperate situations across the country.

I've been in the office most of the day and this is one of the saddest parts of my job--but it is also a reminder that the work I do is so necessary.

I just feel sick. This is a tremendous loss and my heart goes out to his family.